Goodbye to You — Mal's Top-10 Buffy Lists

1.9: The Puppet Show
Cordelia Chase, who loves herself plenty already, performs "The Greatest Love of All" at the school talent show. Badly. Very, very badly.

(Bonus from this episode: The final credits roll over Xander, Willow, and Buffy flatly delivering lines from Oedipus Rex for their talent.)

2.15: Phases
Larry, the school bully, outs himself as gay to Xander.

(Bonus from this episode: The actor who plays Larry is Mormon and he is wearing a CTR ring through the whole scene. Guess he was feeling insecure about his manhood or his religion or something.)

(Bonus bonus: I now have the actor's card and his autograph. It's a Mormon thing.)

3.22: Graduation Day II
The much-anticipated consummation of the rabid-and-oh-so-covert crush between Wesley Wyndham Pryce III and Cordelia Chase was so bad it couldn't help but be good. In fact, they went in for a second kiss just to be sure and, yes. It really was just that awful.

(Bonus from this episode: Mayor Wilkins decides to give his entire graduation speech, in spite of the impending doom. Evil.)

4.2: Living Conditions
Funny roommate fight ends with Buffy drinking out of Kathy's carton. Rather, drinking the whole carton or, at least, as much as she could before spilling the remainder of its contents all over herself. Kathy, of course, watches on in horror.

(Bonus from this episode: A slow-motion shot of an annoyingly-loudly-clipped toenail hitting the carpet.)

4.11: Doomed
Spike shacks up in Xander's basement and, after ruining his own clothes in a laundry accident, is obliged to steal a suicide outfit from Xander.

(Bonus from this episode: Spike uses a fake American accent to convince Riley that he's "Just a frrriend of Xanderrrr's, herrrre" and then tries to rally the lazy, chip-munching Scooby troops to go and fight evil once he realizes that he can hit demons without activating the chip.)

4.17: Superstar
How far will Mutant Enemy go for a joke? Pretty far. To transform nerdy victim Jonathan into James Bond Plus, they created magazines, billboards, big band numbers, tiny little army uniforms that would fit him, a one-shot opening credit sequence, the works.

(Bonus from this episode: I think it's Giles who has a Jonathan swimsuit calendar hidden in his room.)

5.3: The Replacement
After years of teasing, we finally get to see Xander do the Scooby Dance.

(Bonus from this episode: Xander is split in two but they kept the special effects budget low because Nick Brendon has an identical twin. He and his brother have a really cute scene together later on in the episode.)

5.12: Checkpoint
Anya worries that she'll be targeted as an ex-demon by the Watcher's Council and so fabricates a personal history for herself. This includes a fake, full name (Anya Christina Emmanuela Jenkins), a birthday ("Born on the fourth of July!") and a childhood in Indiana where she was raised by "both a mother and a father."

(Bonus from this episode: The WatcherGirl who wrote her thesis about Spike gets to meet him in person and giggles like a schoolgirl.)

6.5: Life Serial
I'm embarrassed at how much I laughed at the Nerdage-a-trois. (It's always good when writers can poke fun at themselves.) Neither Andrew nor Jonathon ever delivered a flat line, in my book. Here we see Andrew unveiling his work on the supposedly-sleuthy nerd-mobile.

(Bonus from this episode: Willow invites Buffy to tag along to a college class where everyone is eagerly, eagerly participating. I mean, that's just funny.)

7.6: Him
Long story short. Buffy goes to kill Principal Wood with, of all things, a bazooka. Spike appears suddenly and wrests it away from her in a slapstick scene written for silent theater. It's priceless.

(Bonus from this episode: Anya and Willow fight over who loves R.J. the enchanted jock the most. Anya cries out desperately that A.J. is her best friend.)

1.6: The Pack
Two words: Xander's Walk.

2.11: Ted
Oh, Giles and Jenny. Two hot "old" people.

2.14: Innocence
Nope, not Buffy and Angel in red, satin sheets. Oz fantasizes about kissing Willow, but won't do it until she's into it.

3.6: Band Candy
Why yes, I do mean the sexy tai chi. (Though, Giles and Joyce get the sexy on in their own way during this episode, too.)

3.10: Amends
Oz refuses to have Barry White make-up sex with Willow. What is it about that boy and his hunka-hunka burning rejection?

4.16: Who Are You?
Faith, in Buffy's body, offers to ride Spike in a way that's not suitable for prime time. (Incidentally, it affects him too. He quotes her word-for-word in the end of Season 7.)

4.16: Who Are You?
Tara and Willow do their first real spell together. If Xander had known, he'd have done a spell with himself.

5.17: Forever
Angel offers to stay with Buffy after her mother's funeral. The fact that they're sitting on her mother's grave only makes you feel more guilty for enjoying it so much.

6.8: Tabula Rasa
The musical montage, the surprise ending, the utter hotness that is James Marsters. This kiss burned up the screen so much more than any of the times they actually had sex.

6.9: Smashed
I'm all about sex as a metaphor, but who cares what they're trying to say here? Yow.

2.4: Inca Mummy Girl
Oz, taciturn-yet-cool band guy, overlooks all of the scantily-clad girls in international costumes and asks, "Who's the eskimo?"

3.20: The Prom
Xander secretly buys a prom dress for his now-penniless ex-girlfriend, Cordelia.

3.20: The Prom
The senior class awards Buffy a "Class Protector" umbrella. (Jonathan, you little traitor.)

4.8: Pangs
Angel's in town, but spends the entire episode at a distance from Buffy. Watching her. Protecting her. Jumping in to fight when she can't see that he's there.

5.7: Fool for Love
A despondent Buffy is crying about her mother's illness when Spike shows up with a rifle to kill her. Let's just say that plans change.

5.16: The Body
The gang buys vending machine comfort food after Joyce dies. They apologetically smile, "We panicked."

5.17: Forever
Spike tries to anonymously deliver condolence flowers when he learns of Joyce's death.

6.3: After Life
Spike is the only one to realize that Buffy had to fight her way out of the grave. He is able to put his own feelings aside to comfort and assure her.

6.22: Grave
Xander saves the world by reminding Willow that he loves both Crayon-breaky Willow and Scary-veiny Willow.

7.20: Touched
While everyone else is having desperate, end-of-the-world sex, Spike holds Buffy safely so she can sleep through the night.

1.1: Welcome to the Hellmouth
[Narrator] In every generation there is a Chosen One. She alone will stand against the vampires, the demons and the forces of darkness. She is the Slayer.

2.7: Lie to Me
[Buffy] Lie to me.

[Giles] Yes, it's terribly simple. The good guys are always stalwart and true, the bad guys are easily distinguished by their pointy horns or black hats, and, uh, we always defeat them and save the day. No one ever dies, and everybody lives happily ever after.

[Buffy] Liar.

2.14: Innocence
[Giles] Do you want me to wag my finger at you and tell you, you acted rashly? You did, and I can. But I know you loved him, and he has proven more than once that he loved you. You couldn't have known what would happen. The coming months are going to be very hard - I suspect on all of us. But if you're looking for guilt, Buffy, I'm not your man. All you will have from me is my support... and my respect.

2.17: Passion
[Angelus] Passion. It lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and (though unwanted, unbidden) it will stir... open its jaws... and howl. It speaks to us, guides us. Passion rules us all. And we obey. What other choice do we have? Passion is the source of our finest moments. The joy of love, the clarity of hatred, and the ecstasy of grief. It hurts sometimes more than we can bear. If we could live without passion, maybe we know some kind of peace. But we would be hollow. Empty rooms, shuttered and dank... Without passion, we would be truly dead.

3.18: Earshot
[Buffy] Believe it or not, Jonathan, I understand. About the pain. My life happens to, on occasion, suck beyond the telling of it. More than I can stand sometimes. And not just me. Every single person down there is ignoring your pain because they're too busy with their own. The beautiful ones, the popular ones, the guys that pick on you... everyone.If you could hear what they're feeling — the confusion, the loneliness... It looks quiet down there. It's not. It's deafening.

3.22: Graduation Day II
[Oz] Guys. Take a moment to deal with this. We survived. Not the battle — high school. We're taking a moment... And we're done.

5.22: The Gift
[Buffy] Dawn listen to me. Listen. I love you. I'll always love you. But this is the work I have to do. Tell Giles I... I figured it out. And I'm okay. Give my love to my friends. You have to take care of them now — you have to take care of each other. You have to be strong. Dawn. The hardest thing in this world is to live in it. Be brave. Live. For me.

7.10: Bring on the Night
[Buffy] We don't know how to fight it. We don't know when it'll come. Can't run, can't hide... can't pretend it's not the end 'cause it is. Something has always been there to try and destroy the world. We've beaten them back, but we're not dealing with them anymore. We're dealing with the reason they exist. Evil. The strongest. The First. I'm beyond tired. I'm beyond scared. I'm standing on the mouth of Hell and it's going to swallow me whole. And it'll choke on me. We're not ready? THEY'RE not ready. They think we're gonna wait, like we always do, for the end to come but I'm done waiting. They want an apocalypse? We'll give 'em one. Anyone else who wants to run do it now, because we just became an army. We just declared war. From now on we won't just face our worst fears, we will seek them out. We will find them and cut out their hearts, one by one, until The First shows itself for what it is. And I will kill it myself. There's only one thing on this earth more powerful than evil. And that's us. Any questions?

7.20: Touched
[Spike] Look at me. I'm not asking you for anything. When I tell you that I love you, it's not because I want you, or 'cause I can't have you — it has nothing to do with me. I love what you are, what you do, how you try... I've seen your strength, and your kindness, I've seen the best and the worst of you and I understand with perfect clarity exactly what you are. You are a hell of a woman.

7.22: Chosen
[Buffy] Every girl in the world who might be a Slayer will be a Slayer. Every girl who could have the power will have the power, who can stand up will stand up. Slayers, every one of us. Make your choice. Are you ready to be strong?

10 reasons I still find it hard to forgive Joss (Rest in Peace, friends)

2.17: Passion
RIP Miss Jenny Calendar
(neck broken by Angelus)

2.21: Becoming I
RIP Kendra the Vampire Slayer
(neck sliced by Drusilla)

3.22: Graduation
RIP Mayor Richard Wilkins III
(blown up with Sunnydale High)

4.12: A New Man
RIP Original GilesMobile
(crashed by Spike)

5.16: The Body
RIP Joyce Summers
(complications from brain surgery)

6.1: Bargaining I
RIP BuffyBot
(drawn and quartered by demons)

6.19: Seeing Red
RIP Tara Maclay
(shot by Warren)

7.18: Dirty Girls
RIP Xander's Eye
(taken by Caleb)

7.22: Chosen
RIP Aud Anyanka Anya Christina Emmanuela Jenkins almost-Harris
(died nobly in battle)

7.22: Chosen
RIP William "Spike" the Bloody
(cleaned things up)

2.17: Passion
Buffy punches Giles for nearly getting himself killed and then sobs, "I can't do this without you."

2.22: Becoming II
Buffy has to "kill" Angel in order to save the world. In the same episode, she is expelled from school, kicked out of her house, believes her friends to be dead, and leaves town.

3.10: Amends
Angel explains why he wants to kill himself after being confronted with his past misdeeds. "It's not the monster in me that needs killing. It's the man."

4.6: Wild at Heart
Werewolf-Oz can't keep himself from hurting people — including Willow — and so he leaves her to get his zen on.

5.16: The Body
Anya's speech makes me cry every time.

[Anya] But I don't understand! I don't understand how this all happens, how we go through this, I mean I knew her and then she's... there's just a body. I don't understand why she just can't get back in it and not be dead. It's stupid. It's mortal and stupid. Xander's crying and not talking and I was having fruit punch and I thought that Joyce would never have any more fruit punch and she'd never have eggs, or yawn, or brush her hair, not ever and no one will explain to me why...

5.22: The Gift
Buffy Anne Summers
1981-2001
Beloved Sister
Devoted Friend
She saved the world
A lot

6.7: Once More With Feeling
The breath-taking duet which pairs Giles and Tara. They're both singing about why they have to leave the person they love most and it's stunning.

6.8: Tabula Rasa
In one musical montage, Tara moves out while Willow cries in the laundry room, Giles' plane takes off for England, Tara tries to say goodbye to Dawn who storms off angrily, and Buffy sits sadly in the Bronze.

6.13: Dead Things
Tara forgives Buffy for using Spike and treating him so badly, but Buffy begs her not to. "Please don't forgive me. Please."

7.2: Beneath You
Spike tries to deal with the reality of having regained his soul, and it's not pretty.

Why does a man do what he mustn't? For her. To be hers. To be the kind of man who would nev— To be a kind of man. And she shall look on him with forgiveness... and everybody will forgive and love. He will be loved. C-can we rest now? Buffy? Can we rest?

1.2: The Harvest
Buffy used to have boobs.

1.8: I Robot, You Jane
Willow can hack computers.

2.12: Bad Eggs
Angel can be a real whiner.

3.8: Lover's Walk
Buffy is actually smart. (She aced her SAT's.)

3.11: Gingerbread
Willow and Xander do actually have parents.

3.13: The Zeppo
Buffy can supposedly polish off all of the jelly donuts (if you believe that).

4.7: The Initiative
Not all vampires have mastered that whole fighting thing, as proven by Harmony vs. Xander.

4.10: Hush
Giles does get laid, even though he's a librarian.

4.18: Where the Wild Things Are
Giles also gets gigs.

5.2: Real Me
Buffy never passed the driving test. (She has to bum rides and hoof it when she saves the world.)

10 of my favorite metaphors

1.11: Out of Mind, Out of Sight
I know this episode wasn't really popular, but I always liked it. Marci is so ignored that she turns invisible.

2.19: I Only Have Eyes for You
A nice, light-handed way to show us that the person Buffy needed to forgive wasn't Angel, but herself. The ghost scene at the end is breathtaking.

4.4: Fear Itself
The gang gears up to fight the fear demon — ugly and dangerous — and once they get a good look, it turns out he's only 6 inches tall. Small enough for Xander to taunt and Buffy to squash like a bug.

4.10: Hush
Okay, fine. I'll include "Hush" in this page. The communication metaphor is my favorite part of this episode, though, where everyone in Sunnydale's voices are stolen.

2.21: Primieval
Giles, Willow, and Xander team up with Buffy to literally show us what we've figuratively known all along. That Buffy's greatest strength comes from the combined talents of her and her friends.

4.22: Restless
Not one metaphor — hundreds. The infamous dream episode that predicted events from the next season and beyond.

5.3: The Replacement
Xander is mystically split into two Xanders — one sloppy and unkempt and the other organized and effective. Kill one Xander, though, and you kill them both because the two aspects are equally real and true.

5.6: Family
Joss was particularly proud of this episode, which is more than a "Tara's not a demon" story. It's a "Tara's gay" story and it includes another of Joss's themes: that our created/chosen families are just as powerful as (if not more than) our biological ones.

5.15: I Was Made to Love You
Warren builds a robot perfect-girlfriend who satisfies his every whim. Sadly, he gets sick of it and gets rid of her.

7.5: Selfless
Whether because she loved them or because she hated them, Aud-Anyanka-Anya has always been defined by the men in her life. In the end she decides to stand on her own two feet.

10 Show-stoppers (you eventually learn that it's easier to expect the unexpected)

1.10: Nightmares
If I had been watching the series from the beginning (which, sadly, I wasn't, since I was doing ministry among Mexican field workers at the time), I think that Nightmares is the first episode which would have made me sit up and take note. Prior to this, the show was unique and certainly clever, but the concept of each character's nightmares, culminating in Giles' nightmares that Buffy dies and Buffy's nightmare of becoming a vampire... I don't know. It set a new tone.

2.10: What's My Line II
After an entire season and a half of reciting the "she alone" mantra at the beginning of every episode, Joss introduces a twist in his own mythology. The presence of more than one equally-strong slayer in the world proves, in the end, to be the downfall of the hellmouth. True, Buffy did die... but she "was only gone for a minute."

2.17: Passion
When Angelus killed Jenny Calender, all bets were off. I haven't ever read of a single person who saw that one coming.

4.10: Hush
Though certainly not the first time this play on conventions has been pulled, Buffy's nearly-silent episode "Hush" was a successful and semi-groundbreaking take. My personal belief is that the episode worked in large part because of the exposition scene which was delivered through overhead projection. Brilliant.

4.22: Restless
From Death of a Salesman (foreshadowing Anya's demise?) to lingerie-clad Joyce and Giles' exposition song, Restless redefined the idea of a big-bang season finale.

5.7: Fool for Love
So massive. So epic. So many wigs! The first of a two-part cross-over "event" which painted all of the backstory we vamp-lovers could ever hope for. Special guest stars: James Marster's foppish-yet-alterable hairline, Nicki Wood (and the origin of the black, leather jacket), pre-vamp Drusilla, and the world debut of our Spike's-a-sucker head tilt.

5.16: The Body
Heart-wrenching yet realistic depiction of the shock that sets in when a loved one dies suddenly — the knife twists when we're reminded that Slayers are not given time off for grieving.

5.22: The Gift
Wait, they killed off the heroine? Again? Just weeks after announcing that the show had been signed for two more seasons? Oh, yes. You better believe it.

6.7: Once More, With Feeling
The musical episode. Self-explanatory.

7.22: Chosen
The town disappears, and so does our doubt that Buffy will ever be able to find peace and happiness in this life. No, she doesn't surrender her slayer powers in order to be a "normal girl." Instead, she redefines "normal" by surrendering only one thing: the uniqueness of her power.